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Glyph Lefkowitz: A Few Bad Apples

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Article:

(published: Oct. 5, 2019, 6:32 p.m.)

I’m a little annoyed at my Apple devices right now.

Time to complain.

“Trust us!” says Apple.

“We’re not like the big, bad Google! We don’t just want to advertise to you all the time! We’re not like Amazon, just trying to sell you stuff! We care about your experience. Magical. Revolutionary. Courageous!”

But I can’t hear them over the sound of my freshly-updated Apple TV — the appliance which exists solely to play Daniel Tiger for our toddler — playing the John Wick 3 trailer at full volume automatically as soon as it turns on.

For the aforementioned toddler.

I should mention that it is playing this trailer while specifically logged in to a profile that knows their birth date1 and also their play history2.


I’m aware of the preferences which control autoplay on the home screen; it’s disabled now. I’m aware that I can put an app other than “TV” in the default spot, so that I can see ads for other stuff, instead of the stuff “TV” shows me ads for.

But the whole point of all this video-on-demand junk was supposed to be that I can watch what I want, when I want — and buying stuff on the iTunes store included the implicit promise of no advertisements.

At least Google lets me search the web without any full-screen magazine-style ads popping up.

Launch the app store to check for new versions?

apple arcade ad

I can’t install my software updates without accidentally seeing HUGE ads for new apps.

Launch iTunes to play my own music?

apple music ad

I can’t play my own, purchased music without accidentally seeing ads for other music — and also Apple’s increasingly thirsty, desperate plea for me to remember that they have a streaming service now. I don’t want it! I know where Spotify is if I wanted such a thing, the whole reason I’m launching iTunes is that I want to buy and own the music!

On my iPhone, I can’t even launch the Settings app to turn off my WiFi without seeing an ad for AppleCare+, right there at the top of the UI, above everything but my iCloud account. I already have AppleCare+; I bought it with the phone! Worse, at some point the ad glitched itself out, and now it’s blank, and when I tap the blank spot where the ad used to be, it just shows me this:

undefined is not an insurance plan

I just want to use my device, I don’t need ad detritus littering every blank pixel of screen real estate.

Knock it off, Apple.


  1. less than 3 years ago 

  2. Daniel Tiger, Doctor McStuffins, Word World; none of which have super significant audience overlap with the John Wick franchise